Q I am a happily married housewife, but I am seriously considering having an affair with a businessman from Kingston who visits our town around once a month.

Because of work commitments, my husband is away a lot, and I get a little frustrated from time to time. It was during one such absence that I met the business-man.We started talking and we just seemed to get along so well, Doctor. I cannot really explain what happened.

We developed such a good friendship that he started 'dropping in' for coffee whenever he was in town. Once or twice we have had a drink in the evening, and we even had dinner on one occasion.

We really like each other, and he has now made it clear that he would like to sleep with me. He has told me that he finds me very attractive, and I have to admit that I do get turned on when I think about him.

husband doesn't know

My husband has no idea what is going on, except that I have casually mentioned having coffee with this man. My husband and I do not have any children.

I think what I have been thinking is that maybe it is possible for a man and a woman to have a purely sexual relationship without getting emotionally involved. I have a friend who told me that she sees a younger man sometimes when her husband is away on business, without getting emotionally entangled.

I wonder if I could do the same, Doctor? It would be so nice to sleep with this man every now and then. Obviously, I would take care to use a reliable form of contraception to avoid the complication of getting pregnant. In fact, I am thinking of getting fitted with a coil.

What do you think, Doctor? Would it be possible for us to have a 'compartmentalised' relationship that does not threaten the marriage, or upset other people?

A Well, a lot of persons who are married get the idea that maybe they could have a no-strings-attached relationship with someone else.

The idea is that the sexual relationship is 'kept in its own compartment' and does not affect the marriage or cause any trouble.

I have seen many people try to achieve this but it usually goes very wrong.

Inevitably, one of the parties involved usually starts getting emotionally involved. In most cases, it is the woman; sometimes it is the man, sometimes both.

My forecast is that if you have sex with this businessman a few times, you will start thinking what a nice guy he is, and what a great husband he would make. Before you know it, you may well be head over heels in love with him. You may also start thinking about leaving your husband.

It is good that you have at least thought about the importance of using contraception. But have you considered the other danger, which is that this man might give you a sexually transmitted infection?

After all, for all you know, he may have another girlfriend. That is very likely, considering that he is apparently an attractive, well-to-do man who travels a lot.

You have not said if he is married or if he has children. If he does, this increases the possibility for trouble.

You describe yourself as 'happily married'. But in my experience, people who are really happily married, do not want to play away from home.

Admittedly, there are exceptions to this rule. However, I urge you to have a serious look at the state of your marriage, and think about ways in which it could be improved. In particular, it is NOT good that you are getting sexually frustrated when your husband is away.

I think you should consider seeing a marriage counsellor about what could be done to make your relationship with your husband stronger. And frankly, I feel you should tell your businessman goodbye, even if it hurts.

Q Doctor, recently my wife has been having difficulty getting excited in bed. She sometimes finds it difficult to have an orgasm.

I have heard about a new drug for women. Apparently, it is a sure-fire way of turning them on.

Should I try it on her? I wondered if I could slip it into her coffee or something?

A Please do not do any such thing! To administer a drug to someone without his or her consent is a criminal offence.

The drug you are talking about is called flibanserin.

It was developed by a German company, which hoped it would be a good antidepressant. Unfortunately, it does NOT work very well against depression. Leaks from the makers suggest that it gets women turned on and more ready to climax.

That may sound good, but the fact is that there is no proof that flibanserin really does work. In the United States, the main drug-assessment agency has NOT yet given it a licence for use in cases of decreased sexual desire. And we do not really know what the side effects are.

So for the moment, I suggest you forget about that drug. If you want a product that would help your wife, I suggest you ask her whether she would be interested in using warming gels, which can be applied to the clitoris in order to produce a sensation of heat.

While you are talking to her, you should try to establish why there is a recent disinterest in sex. It may well be that all she needs is a more relaxed and romantic atmosphere, and a lot of cuddling.

Q When I reach menopause, will I still be able to have sex, Doctor?

A Certainly. Some women enjoy sex even more after menopause.