Q: I am a 24-year-old woman who has strong faith in the Lord. However, a few years back, I wavered in my faith, which resulted in my pregnancy. Though I do not regret my decision to keep my baby, life has been rough - especially when it comes to dating.

My mother was against this relationship from day one. But, if I am to follow her, I will never get married because nobody I have dated seems adequate to her. I was hoping that the father of my child would prove my mother wrong about my choice in dating him.

I consider myself highly intelligent and I am currently doing my master's in engineering. However, it seems as though I lack sense when it comes to the father of my child. He has proven, time and time again, that he is unreliable and has all the indicators of a deadbeat father. But when he says sweet things - things I need to hear - I find myself falling into his trap.

I have tried to exclude him from my life but my problems should not affect my child and his father. What I want to know is, why do I feel this way? Will it ever go away? Will God ever send the right man for me?

A: Congratulations on your achievement of a first degree at your age, 24, and you should also be commended for pursuing a master's degree. You are gaining technical skills which will make you marketable and put you in a position to make a significant contribution to nation-building. You are a very educated and ambitious woman.

You claim you are "highly intelligent" and, no doubt, you are. However, you should not necessarily equate education/university degree with intelligence. Therefore, it is possible that your mother might not have engaged in tertiary education but, nevertheless, she could be highly intelligent. And, there is what is called emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence, in your context, is having the ability, capacity and skill to identify, assess, and manage one's emotions. Obviously, from your query, your emotions are not being managed as well as your educational pursuits.

Mothers can be very overprotective of their daughters, especially if the mother has made some wrong choices in relationships in the past. In addition, there is usually the feeling that their daughters can do better. They want their daughters' Mr Right to be a Prince Charming. He should be tall, dark and handsome. He should be wealthy and wise. Nevertheless, though the ideal might be hilarious, it is important to remember that mothers usually have their daughters' best interests at heart. In addition, mothers have the benefit of experience and some expertise in finding a partner. Therefore, that wisdom should be respected and used to help you make up your mind about a right partner.

Re-evaluate

Your problem is that this deadbeat father will be a part of your history for the rest of your life. He is the father of your child. Perhaps, some of your reasons for entering the relationship were not wholesome, such as wanting to prove your mother wrong. It could also be you wanted to announce your womanhood, your independence from your mother and your superior wisdom. It seems you need to accept he is a deadbeat father. However, there are things you like about him. This is causing mixed feelings. He makes you feel good about yourself. He tells you what you like to hear. However, you need to decide if the sweet things he is saying are adequate for you, or if there is more you desire from a relationship. It could be that you are clinging to him because there is no one else in the picture. You need to spread your wings. Go other places, meet people and - after adequate research - determine whether he is Mr Right.

You have strong faith in God and He will help you to discern the true qualities of the person you are dating, which will help you decide if he is the right person.

Contact counsellor at editor@gleanerjm.com.